IT'S JUST LIKE WATCHING.....TELETEXT?!? by Purple Cones from issue 21

I was sat there watching the telly, just me and my woman sitting there relaxed, the only thing spoiling the chilled atmosphere is me switching back and forth from Page 307 of Ceefax, no score, no worries, just a rush of adrenalin each time the pages scroll through to that page, 0-1, Mitchell, me bouncing around the room, to the fridge, a couple of tins, BBC2, The Outer Limits - shit programme, back to the Ceefax, 1-1, Drewitt - I knew it, you don't release players of his enthusiasm and commitment, still it's a point, back to the outer limits and some stupid scientist morality tale.
9.47pm, I scroll through to page 307, "come on boys, a last minute winner " eh 2-1, not for them , Stafford win in last minute, depressed, back to fridge, clear the stock of lager, slumped and dazed, appeal to the great Chairman in the sky who replies, "I sent you Addison, what more do you want?"

David "Twiggy" Jones by Wolvesy

David Jones, known by all who knew him as Twiggy started watching the Martyrs during the 70s with a group of mates, mostly from the Gurnos, who never missed a game home or away. In those early days he was one of those lads sitting behind the goals on the grass watching his heroes, if the lads were moved on by the club committee then he would be found on the Theatre End grass bank. In the 80s there was always a bus trip to follow the Martyrs on a Saturday and Twiggy was always a stalwart of that scene, he always seemed to have a copy of the latest music press with him and he knew all the new bands and their lyrics. Twiggy knew all about Boy George and Culture Club well before anyone in Merthyr Tydfil. Twiggy was quiet but was never one to back down when challenged and many a time he was around to defend our club. Over the seasons it was an integral part of match-day at Penydarren Park to listen to Twiggy confirming the day’s results off the TV even though we could all see them already.…

DROP ZONE by Dai Pest from Issue 30

After an up and down performance against high flying Margate, a place only known to myself due to Del Boys and Rodney's antics, the Mighty Martyrs were to travel over the border to face fellow strugglers Dorchester Town FC.
With a heavy weekend's sesh dawning upon us and the fact that mini-Wolf had a football game for Merthyr Schools on the same day, the DMFM tribe was uncertain about travelling to watch the relegation battle.
But at this moment in time the Martyrs need all the support they can get, and a late phone call on Monday evening from Captain Kirk informing us that his sons game was off meant that DMFM battle bus would be setting
This did complicate matters a little with Wingnut having to re book time off he had previously cancelled the day before and Typey being unable to join us, leaving us with one free space in the car to fill. With the aid of technology our prayers were answered when the original Burger Master himself replied to an e mail to all fans asking if th…

A letter from The Editor of the Merthyr Express from the mid 1990s

This was a genuine letter we recieved from the then editor of the Merthyr Express in the mid 90s. Rival Merthyr fanzine "Don't Call Me Butt" took a pot shot at the editor in one of their issues and Gordon Caldecott thought he'd redress the wrong doing in our pages. Here is his response.

To the fine fellows at Dial 'M' For Merthyr.
Can I use your esteemed and much loved organ to penetrate the inner working of the fanzine mind as my own member could be perceived as too blunt a tool for such a task. As a virgin in the ways of the witty reposte I hope to comment on an article in that smaller tool of comedy discourse Don't Call Me Butt. 
Some would feel that being the Butt of ridicule could be seen to be a form of backhanded (or should that be rear-door) respect, while others may judge that simply acknowledging the existence of a not-so brown-nosed tribute simply gives it credence. But I - an investigative journalist who develops the whiff of a story into o pi…

New signing at PP ........ from 1992

Exclusive - Major Signing At The Park
It was revealed today that Merthyr Tydfil F.C. have been involved in another shock signing. Sources inform us that Fred Arscott has signed a new tea bag. Yes, that's right a new tea bag!

When interviewed Mr Arscott explained that he first spotted the aforementioned tea bag in Tesco's late one afternoon but had been put off by the expensive price tag wanted for the services of the tea bag. "I couldn't sleep all night. I just had to have that tea bag. It's just the one needed to make the tea bar the best in the country. It was a bit pricey but I didn't care in the end so I broke the bank and went straight to the shop in the morning and bought it!". Said the excited Mr Arscott.

DMFM are led to believe that the tea bag will make its debut for the Dartford game. We will also be watching this promising youngster closely in the future and will keep you posted.

The tea bar on the Wank Bank we are told will be selling the new …

Ble mae ein harian - from issue 53

The Chairman was 50 just after Christmas, so all the Dial M lads made a trip to Glasgow for his celebrations. I’d been before and the one thing that always sticks in my mind is their money. You know, you get there and spend the cash you take, then end up bringing back a ton of small notes in change or you visit the cash machine and over do the withdrawal just in case you need a seventh beer at the airport.
Countries with a strong identity have three stand out traits in my mind - self rule (we need this now), a strong language (we need this mandatory at schools) and some quality money.

Let’s look at the notes of the realm we currently use, they are forgettable. The new fiver is horrible let’s be honest. It is shiny, cheap feeling, has a German unelected monarch on the front and a racist, war mongering bully on the reverse. The rest of the money we use is no better or any more appealing. Who are these people on our notes – Edward Elgar (he’s no Joseph Parry is he!), Charles Darwin (The…

Desert Anyone - By Newbie

Having shared my review of Indians and Kebab Houses in Merthyr for fine dining with you, I was left with what next?  Fish and chip shops, no point really as the Dolphin is the clear winner.  Pizza shops, we have Domino’s, Pizza Hut, and Papa Johns so not much choice there.  Chinese, well not a fan of Chinese food.  I’m full to the guts straight after it, then starving 2 hours later.  So I settled on the idea of sharing my thoughts on what deserts Merthyr has to offer.

5) McDonalds McFlurry ice-cream – Available across the globe, but where else will you get one with a friendly smile from someone who you hope rather than expected they washed their hands after going to the toilet. The only downside to this, well you have to visit a McDonalds.

4) Walls soft scoop Vanilla Ice-cream (from Tesco’s) – The perfect way to get an ice-cream headache is to consume a full tub of Wall’s finest. A bit over the top you may think, but it’s so moreish.

3) Greggs’ custard slice – A delicious delicacy, bu…

It's Play off finals day 2014 ..... By Mrs Wolvesy

An Open Letter To Merthyr Town Football Supporters – a message from your wives, girlfriends, husbands, boyfriends and families.
We understand.  Monday is a big, big day.  
Some of us – and I especially include myself here- don’t get football, don’t understand the offside rule, don’t know what leagues Merthyr, Swansea, or even Manchester United are in.  We’ve watched with gently mocking bemusement over the years as you meet the end of season with a either a deep and often unshakable depression or manic glee.
But we understand - Monday is a big, big day.
Here’s the thing though.  It’s not just a big day for the supporters and the team.  Over recent years we’ve travelled with you on this rollercoaster.  We were there in the early days when you had no real stake in the cluband watched helplessly at the unfolding results.  We held our collective breath when you took the first tentative steps toward independence, challenging corruption and incompetence – never wavering from your commitment to y…

The “Transbore” deadline day by Newbie - Issue 53

The 31st January is known for 2 deadlines, your Self Assessment Tax Return if you are rich, or the winter transfer window deadline. Well another January 31st has passed, and Sky Sports News have once again embarrassed themselves’ and tried to squeeze every last drop out of their failing transfer deadline day.

In the past there has been great “excitement” on transfer deadline. Berbatov left Spurs for United, and who can forget Robinho signing for Manchester City. Robinho of course unforgettably thought he was signing for Manchester United, not realising there were 2 teams in Manchester as the “noisy neighbours” started to flex their financial muscles.

Sky have well and truly flogged this horse to death. There used to be a time when their intrepid reporters used to hang outside the ground with supporters in the background cheering. But that had to change when the bad language was repeated up and down the country, ruining Jim White’s special day. The energetic Jim White is on the brink o…

A Way of Life - Issue 53 - by Joshua “Bronte” Williams

I recently saw online that old chestnut of “it’s not just a kit it’s our skin, it’s not just a stadium it’s our home, it’s not just a club it’s a way of life” etc. I had heard it several times but I don’t think I had ever realised how true it was.

I was at a home game with my usual crew in the same old spot on the terrace, waiting to see which end we’d be attacking first when I was so engrossed in a conversation that I had a surprise when the teams started walking out. It was as if I had forgotten there was a football match about to be played, forgotten that I was at a football ground. That’s what Penydarren Park has come to mean to me, that it is no longer solely a football pitch with some covered areas to sit or stand; it is a home, a home away from home. No longer is it just some bricks and mortar I visit to watch sport, but a social hub I can build my life around. I probably would not have met some of my closest friends if it were not Merthyr Town FC, and I certainly would not hav…